LSD microdose... for ADHD/ADD?
10 months after initial severe burn out
The lack of writing I have been able to contribute here speaks directly to the overwhelm and helplessness I have been feeling these last 3 months. In addition to moving to Denver and healing from burnout, I decided this would be the right time to get off all the medications I had been prescribed in order to lead a seemingly “normal” life.
The very first time I went to see a psychiatrist I was 13 due to having trouble falling asleep. The doctor felt I was too young to be put on sleeping medications and suggested I try an antidepressant instead. I was 13, I had recently moved away from home for the first time to attend boarding school in Canada, while the rest of my family and my friends were back in Miami. While I hadn’t gone in there complaining of being unhappy, when the doctor suggested there was a pill that would relieve me of the angst I was feeling in addition to helping me get some sleep at night, I was eager and hopeful. When we met the next month, I was not feeling any better and still unable to sleep, so the doctor decided to increase the dosage and there began my 17-year journey into psychopharmacology.
At the time of my burn out my current cocktail included Rexulti, an atypical antipsychotic prescribed to me off-label at a low dose for intrusive thoughts (which I have successfully eliminated entirely), Vyvanse and Adderall, both stimulants to help with my ADHD and general low energy (which I have also now eliminated entirely), Xanax, for anxiety before bed, which I have managed to cut down by half my initial dose. And lastly, Ambien for sleep, which I have also been able to cut down to half of my regular dose.
My goal in getting off these medications is to establish a baseline, one that I have not known since I was 13. While being open to the fact that that there is a potential, I might need to reincorporate any of these meds again in the future for my wellbeing. I am not against medication; however, I do believe they should be used in conjunction with lifestyle shifts that address the root issue. And as I had never made any of those lifestyle shift, that is where I would like to begin.
Some of you may feel like that’s TMI, but the truth is that this country is pretty prescription happy. Gabor Maté, in his book The Myth of Normal explains that “Nearly 70 percent of Americans are on at least one prescription drug; more than half take two.” And this is not merely a US problem. In “Little evidence that chemical imbalance causes depression, UCL scientists find” Andrew Gregory reports that one in six UK adults are taking antidepressants. Many times, rather than attempting to understand why people might be suffering or struggling, the system tends to take the easy route and prescribe a pill which in theory is meant to alleviate whatever discomforts or struggles one might be facing. In Robert Whitaker’s book Anatomy of an Epidemic, he asks “Could our drug-based paradigm of care, in some unforeseen way, be fueling this modern-day plague?” (Referring to mental illness in the US). He goes on “...the stories told by psychiatry about “chemical imbalances” in the brain have reshaped our understanding of how the mind works and challenged our conceptions of free will. Are we really the prisoners of our neurotransmitters?” It seems as though the “chemical imbalances” theory is not holding up.
In July 2022 Professor Joanna Moncrieff and Dr Mark Horowitz (both UCL Psychiatry) report on their new research showing no clear evidence that serotonin levels or serotonin activity are responsible for depression.
In Andrew Gregory’s report from July 2022 Joanna Moncrieff, a professor of psychiatry at University College London and consultant psychiatrist at North East London NHS foundation trust, and lead in this study explains: “Many people take antidepressants because they have been led to believe their depression has a biochemical cause, but this new research suggests this belief is not grounded in evidence...” This paradigm shift of understanding that we are not prisoners of our neurotransmitters along with the research that is happening with psychedelics makes me hopeful for a more holistic approach.
In Sacred Medicine, Lissa Rankin explains that “Unfortunately, many who claim to promote health fail to realize the importance of wholeness in medicine, focusing unilaterally on the cure while neglecting the value of healing, which impoverishes everyone involved. Narrowing in on the quest for a cure while neglecting the healing process fractures human wholeness and can cause harm, even if the cure happens. Yet this dismembered approach is built into conventional medicine. By fragmenting the human body, mind, spirit, and energy field into parts siloed into various disciplines by academia, medicine suffers from this reductionism. The body is reduced to the biology department and medical school; the mind to psychology and neuroscience in college and psychiatry and neurology in medical school; the spirit to the religion department and the divinity school. The human energy field is reduced to the physics or biology department.”
This is not about placing blame on anyone, but rather my story of deciding to take my own health and wellness back into my own hands.
In my view, all the medications I was prescribed enabled me to mask my autistic self to the degree that from the outside it seemed I could function in the NT framework, until finally my body and mind were pushed to the extreme that they decided to go on strike. And I don’t blame them, I was ignoring my own needs, trying to be ‘tough’ and pushing past all the discomforts that were pointing to healthy boundaries that should have been established and trying my damnedest to be “successful” in the NT way. And I am grateful that my body responded in this way rather than allowing me to continue on and eventually making myself potentially very very ill.
This transition of going off these prescription medications has been difficult. Most challenging of all was the desire to pursue my new interests and bring all this information to be able to help anyone who might be living through something similar, but not having the energy or focus to do anything.
Microdosing mushrooms has been instrumental in my being able to cultivate more self compassion and accepting. However, this feeling of not being able to take action due to brain fog and low energy was really beginning to weigh on me. And so I began to research for alternatives to amphetamines. I have been a big fan of Joe Rogan since 2012 and recalled having tried Onnits ‘Alpha Brain’ back in 2011. Alpha Brain is marketed as a nootropic, a dietary supplement that helps support certain brain functions, including memory, mental speed, and focus. This certainly was helpful in terms of a little boost of energy, as well as an increase in ability to focus, however, after a year of things being added to a seemingly never ending to do list there was an emotional weight to getting started that continued to disable me.
Then I remembered something I had read in James Fadiman’s “The Psychedelic Explorer’s Guide” about microdosing LSD, and Fadimin’s quote “It’s an extremely healthy alternative to Adderall,” in the 2015 Rolling Stone article “How LSD Microdosing Became the Hot New Business Trip”.
And so, it is my first day microdosing and I can easily say that I am over the moon with the results. I can think clearly for the first time in almost a year. I have the energy to get things done and even more impactful, the usual emotional exhaustion that has been holding me back no longer has as much power over me.
I am so happy to be writing and sharing and am very much looking forward to continue doing so on a regular basis now with a little help from my friends.
As always, please feel free to comment any thoughts or questions or share any personal experiences.
Currently listening - Joe Rogan #1593 w/ Dr Carl Hart
Very interesting conversation that truly made me question everything I thought about ‘drugs’ and the way they are viewed in today’s society.
Currently reading: Anatomy of an Epidemic: Magic Bullets, Psychiatric Drugs, and the Astonishing Rise of Mental Illness in America by Robert Whitaker // Sacred Medicine: A Doctors quest to Unravel the Mysteries of Healing by Lissa Rankin, MD // The Myth of Normal: Trauma, Illness & Healing in a Toxic Culture by Gabor Maté, MD, with Daniel Maté
Quotes - “It is no measure of health to be well-adjusted to a profoundly sick society.” Krishnamurti
Questions - Can LSD be taken the way Adderall might be? Had the studies with LSD not been shut down in 1966, would LSD have been an alternative option for people suffering with ADHD/ADD symptoms?